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Calmind Foundation > Blog page > stories > Agnes’ Story

I am Agnes Githaka. A mother of two.. A boy and a girl. I sank into postpartum depression during my second pregnancy, it didn’t set in after delivery but during pregnancy… I hated the pregnancy with my whole heart because it was not a smooth one. I had swollen everywhere even the lips.

My delivery was very complicated. My daughter was a big baby so the head and the other body didn’t just come out, then she developed shoulder dystocia and midwives had to pull her. Due to the struggle she got tired and stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated. I too bled till I passed out. God is good I came back to consciousness after sometime. My girl had to have her left hand and the chest plastered as a result of the injury during birth…she was just 2 days old. I think this is where I now felt I couldn’t take it anymore. The day she was brought to me in the plaster, I cried myself to sleep… Dressing her was an issue and she had to have it for 2weeks. We got discharged, went home, my hubby was on leave for a month.. He helped where he could but I still felt a void and like I needed more help.

After my husband went back to work I felt I couldn’t manage… I had a very big wound (I had a bilateral epidural) which was worse than that of the CS. I started getting very emotional and developing hatred towards my elder son. I didn’t want him to touch the girl. I would shout at him, or even chase him away and lock the door. Then I would realize what I have done, and I would cry so much.. It got worse each day.. Then one day I came across signs of postpartum depression on the internet, it was exactly what I was feeling. I realized I was actually depressed and started working on myself. Then my sister in law came over to my place just at that time.. She helped me with the baby and I would rest enough and even go out to have a walk away from home. That’s how I healed.

Everybody thought I was OK, even my husband, I always had a smile on the face but behind that smile were pains of even wishing I’d just die.

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